43,680 diapers changes in my lifetime. For this I am proud.

I was almost 30 when I had my first baby. It was an unplanned pregnancy, and yes, I was married to the baby's father. Greg and I were in Mexico City leading a team of college students on a 2 month mission. I was a "cat" in a street drama and I did cartwheels over and over each day. That may have confused the normal signs to a woman that she is pregnant. Because, I had no clue.

That summer I had a special love affair with coffee. I loved coffee. Our team ran hard and fast on the streets of Mexico during the day.Then at nights we would minister in little village churches only to find ourselves getting home late and starting all over again early the next morning. The hotel where we stayed served us wonderful cafe au laits at breakfast. My love affair grew. I woke up each morning and that cup of coffee was my carrot. It helped me crawl out of bed knowing that within in minutes I would tenderly hold that luscious 'cup of joe' in my eager hands.

One morning in July, I woke up and for some unknown reason my love affair with coffee was over. Just like that. The coffee stunk. The thought of it made me sick. In fact, just the smell made me want to throw up. I thought possibly the roasters had burnt the beans. Or maybe, my head was caught in continuous "tilt a whirl" from my 29 year-old body doing cartwheels on a daily basis. Or maybe I had a stomach flu. Whatever it was, the coffee I cherished each morning was reluctantly replaced with tepid water bottles.

The nausea continued. I returned to Tulsa to pick up another team and thought it'd be a good idea to check and see if I could get something from the doctor for the dizzying feeling that still lingered. Maybe it was a blood sugar thing. Maybe I was anemic. I'm sure it was something curable, like...stop doing cartwheels. The doctor checked my vitals and took samples of my blood and then had the gall to ask, "Could you be pregnant?"

To be completely honest, the thought had never occurred to me. We weren't planning on a baby at this time...a baby wasn't on the calendar for a year or two. I had too much to do and a baby was not on the agenda.

I sat there appalled. And stunned and unbelieving that he would even ask such a question. The dizziness and nausea came from cartwheels or bad coffee beans or a stomach virus or low blood sugar. Pregnant?

With the busyness of summer missions training and overseas travel, I had lost track of my cycle. I was a no-nonsense type of girl and generally had no pms symptoms. I was responsible. I would know if I had conceived and it would be when I was ready and prepared...and not before.

Pregnant?

I remember sitting in the waiting room as they ran the pregnancy test. I had no thoughts. There was no brain activity. I couldn't breathe. I needed air. I didn't have time to be pregnant. Where was the trash can? I needed to throw-up.

Time stood still as the nurse came to find me..." Congratulations! The results are positive, you are pregnant!" Her words jarred every cell of my 8 weeks pregnant body.

Those words hung. The color left my face and then my skin grew hot. I started sweating like no girl should. She wasn't talking to me was she? Surely, this was a mistake. I was just picking up high school kids for another mission trip. This was wrong. Really, really wrong. Now, I felt dizzy. Really dizzy. The room spun around me and the only rational thought I had was "How could this happen?"

And my second thought was this, "Oh....no, my life is over".

43,680 diapers later. Yes, my life was over in more ways than I could have ever have imagined sitting in that waiting room. But the part that I didn't know, was this:

My life was also, just beginning. Hudson was on his way and so where the diapers.

ps. With each of my next four pregnancies, coffee was always my first jarring to reality. I loved it one day and the next day I hated it. From that point on, before I could take a pregnancy test, my passion for coffee had already had begun it's pitiful, downward spiral as the love in my heart was making room for another... another much sweeter, another much cozier and one much more yummy than any cup of coffee!

pss. I still love coffee, but I'm not pregnant!